The Mosquito Diaries, Part One
Day 1 — When I went outside this morning, 147,000 mosquitoes landed on my arm, poked their snouts into my flesh, and then tried to fly away. As a consequence, I accidentally waved to my neighbor.
Day 2 — More rain today, which means more mosquitoes. Soon there will be enough of them to work both of my arms at once. And then I’ll be just one more helpless mosquito puppet.
Day 3 — The mosquitoes have grown to the size of crows. It looks like they’ve eaten all of my squirrels. Little gray bodies are scattered across the lawn like empty beer cans. Not safe to go outside. I think I’ll work from home today.
Day 18 — The mosquitoes have the house surrounded. They are as big as geese now. Soon they will be strong enough to bore through cedar siding, and when that happens, the basement will be my only refuge. For now, mosquito and man play a game of cat and mouse.
Day 31 — Apparently, the mosquitoes anticipated my move to the basement. Last night they plugged the sump pump discharge pipe, and now the basement is filled with rain water. Thank god I’ve read the complete works of Thor Heyerdahl! Today I will build a raft from balsa logs, hemp rope and other materials indigenous to a 21st century American basement.
August 15th, 2009 at 1:01 am
Mr. Squirrel, Mr. Squirrel~
What ever you do my beloved make certain that you cover your knees! They are sacred ground.
S. Marm
August 16th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Hey Squirrels,
Do you ever go on MassLive anymore? They’re constantly talking about a hotdog man and the Mardi Gras. Wondering if you’re a participant by any chance.
N
August 17th, 2009 at 9:07 am
I haven’t been there for a while, but I think they’re talking about a different hot dog guy. Paulie the hot dog assassin left town quite some time ago. He was a fine fellow, Paulie. And he was deadly with the dog tongs.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:40 am
Where is Alex? And did you do with Buddy Ebsen’s head?
August 18th, 2009 at 8:12 am
My nearly reliable street-level informants tell me two very different things about the whereabouts of Buddy Ebsen’s head:
1. It is in a cryogenic chamber at the Ted Williams Celebrity Head Storage Facility.
2. It is vacationing in an unspecified Mexican resort town.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Are there hot dog guys selling their weiners at either of these locations?
August 21st, 2009 at 8:32 am
I’m sure there are lots of wieners at location #2, but let’s not even think about location #1.
October 3rd, 2009 at 11:21 pm
The news about the abuse of Ted Willams’s head was pretty wrenching.