squirrelking.com

Here are FIVE SECRET RULES guaranteed to change (and possibly improve) your performance in the office tournament pool this year.

1. Pick one team with a compass direction and the word “State” in its name. This year, it’s either East Tennessee State over Pittsburgh or North Dakota State over Kansas. I’ll go with N.D. State because their opponent is coached by a guy named Bill Self, and everyone knows there’s no “Self” in Team. (Incidentally, there is also no “I” in Self.)

2. Pick one team named after a historical figure, preferably one who is known as “the father” of the team’s home state. Brigham Young is the obvious player here, mostly because Mr. Young was the biggest “player” of all the fathers of all the states. You can’t go wrong with BYU. And that’s why I’m going with Stephen F. Austin, Father of Texas.

3. Always pick Syracuse University’s first round opponent. Always. No exceptions. If you just said “why?” then please accompany me on a short trip down Bad Memory Lane. Remember how disappointed you were after you picked Syracuse to beat the lowly Vermont Plaid Hats in the first round of the 2005 tournament? Surely Syracuse cannot lose to Vermont, you reasoned. Surely not. Learn from the pain, my friends. Do not beg for another smackdown. It is unseemly. Did I mention that Syracuse University’s first round opponent this year is Stephen F. Austin, Father of Texas (see Rule 2).

4. Pick one team just because you like their team’s nickname. I would call your attention to a very interesting first round match-up between the Akron Zipps and Gonzaga Zags. It’s a shame that one of those teams has to lose.

5. Whenever possible, pick a team named after a cocktail. My half-hearted research turned up only three such teams in all of college basketball. These are the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes (a dangerous mix of vodka, rum, cointreau, orange juice and milk), the Purdue Boilermakers (an explosive whiskey/beer combo), and the Southern Utah Thunderbirds (twist-cap bum wine). Only one of those teams (Purdue) is in the tournament this year. You know what to do.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 19th, 2009 at 9:45 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.