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This morning I saw a TV ad for Pilgrim Furniture, and I had to ask myself why anyone would name a furniture store after the Pilgrims. Everyone knows that the Pilgrims had lousy furniture.

I haven’t been to the Pilgrim furniture store, but if you have, then you may have heard a conversation like this one:

Customer: May I test drive your plush Recline-O-Rocker with soothing heat, magic-finger massage and dual cupholders? I saw it advertised on TV.

Sales Pilgrim: No, sir, we don’t have any magic plushy-rockers in stock. Could I interest you in a rough-hewn 3-legged stool?”

Customer: Does it achieve the perfect balance between contemporary style, and decadent comfort?

Sales Pilgrim: It achieves colonial style and decadent discomfort. Is that close enough?

Customer: Eh . . .

Sales Pilgrim: It’s extremely stable.

Customer: Look, I really don’t think a rough-hewn 3-legged stool will fit in with my chichi postcolonial decor.

Sales Pilgrim: But, sir, only the wealthiest and self-consciously stylish Pilgrim families have rough-hewn 3-legged stools. Ordinary Pilgrims sit on stumps or Plymouth rocks. Some Pilgrims don’t sit at all — Miles Standish, for example.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 12th, 2008 at 10:53 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.