Shepard Smith’s hair longs for freedom
I don’t claim to know if Fox News is or isn’t “fair and balanced,” but I do know that Fox is the undisputed cable news leader in control-freak hairstyles. And it bothers me.
I realize that my hair-care concern is trivial — maybe “flip” is a better word — but I wonder if this pathological need to groom the hair has something darker at its roots. Flyaway hair is an untended garden, my friends, but helmet hair is a meticulously trimmed and chemically maintained fairway. It is the beauty of iron-fisted control! But beauty at what price? Shepard Smith’s hair longs for freedom it will never know. Neil Cavuto is the Joseph Stalin of hair fashion, and his legions are armed with cans of Aqua-Net. Hippies beware!
September 9th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Sire:
Instead of my usual weekly commute to beautiful metropolis of Cincinnati, in two weeks time I shall be departing for that dark, dungeon of depravity know as Paris. Since you are worldly in these matters, can you provide some advice on how I should conduct myself while interacting with those vulgar French persons? Are they as different from mid-westerners as I suspect?
September 10th, 2008 at 8:32 am
If you are tempted to tell French jokes during your trip, I suggest you modify them slightly before telling them in the cafes of Paris. Here is a simple joke-telling strategy: wherever the words “French” or “France” appears in your joke, swap them out for the words “Swiss” and “Switzerland.” This will allow your hosts to share your joke without taking offense, and it will not expose you to retribution from the Swiss, who must always remain neutral.