Real eclipse science facts
As ancient Chinese astronomers, druids, and my numerous Mongolian and Greenlandish readers know, there will be a total solar eclipse today. With this in mind, I offer the following safety tips for modern eclipse viewers.
1. Do not look directly at the eclipse
2. Do not fear the eclipse
3. Do not examine the eclipse for ill omens
4. Do not make animal and/or human sacrifices to the eclipse
5. Do not bang drums and pots to frighten the sun-eating eclipse monster
5a. Do not jingle the change in your pockets while viewing the eclipse (or at any other time, because it fucking bugs me)
6. Do not post nude pictures of yourself on the InterNest® while viewing the eclipse
I realize that this is all common sense and that many of you know these things already. Over time, a significant percentage of us have outgrown our eclipse-related superstitions and feelings of impending doom. Yes, yes, of course I have data to back up this claim. Chrissake, I’m a scientist.
Percentage of ancient eclipse viewers who expected doom — 100%
Percentage of modern eclipse viewers who expect doom — 93.57%
Those are the facts, my friends. Those are real science facts.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:53 am
It might be useful to conduct an informal poll here — those expecting doom vs. those expecting no doom.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
No doom here – at least not in my present dimension. I do however have a (stolen) haiku…
Six beers on my belt.
I’m ready for my wedding!
I barfed on the priest.
August 16th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Michael Phelps 7 gold medals.
Squirrel 8 gold acorns.
Will Michael meet the Squirrel’s accomplishments on the podium?
August 19th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Well Phelps got his 8 gold medals but the Squirrel still has 8 gold acorns. More prestige in one gold acorn than 8 gold medals.