Grouchy grill guy
Here’s a story about the grouchy old guy who used to run the grill in the Mardi Gras parking lot.
One day, as I was walking through the Mardi Gras parking lot, someone honked their car horn and nearly scared me out of my shorts. I looked to my left and looked to my right but didn’t see anything unusual.
I started walking again, and again the horn honked.
Turns out, the honking was coming from a big black Cadillac, which was wedged into the narrowest of parking spaces. It was surrounded on three sides — by the grill in front, by a brick wall on the right, and by a long wooden sawhorse on the left. There was about six inches of clearance all around. Only the rear end of the car was free of obstacles. I stopped to take a closer look and noticed that the grouchy old guy who ran the grill was waving frantically at me from inside the Caddy. The car appeared to be filling with smoke.
“That guy must be in trouble,” I said to myself. “Better see if I can help.”
I stepped up to the driver’s side door, and Grouchy Grill Guy rolled down the window. Two fingers and a stogie pointed toward the sawhorse. “Hey, buddy,” he said, “could you move that thing? I can’t open my car door.”
The sawhorse was so old and rickety it could barely stand on it’s own four feet. Grouchy Grill Guy could have blown it over with cigar smoke. “Wow,” I said. “Good thing I came along when I did. You might have starved in there.” He was a rather portly grouchy guy, so as an afterthought I added, “Of course, it would taken a while.”
I don’t know why Grouchy Grill Guy drove straight into that parking trap, or why he didn’t roll down his window and blow over the rickety sawhorse, but I DO know that I saved his grouchy behind from certain boredom and a possible ding in his driver’s side car door.
That’s all there is to say about that.
June 19th, 2005 at 8:21 pm
Oh Mr. Squirrel,
You’ve done it again. You saved the day!
Did the grouchy grill guy offer to grill you something for your troubles? You know what I mean, like whatever they might grill at the Mardi Gras with a slice of cheese. Something that might just say ‘hey Mr. Squirrel, you are the man’?
June 19th, 2005 at 8:59 pm
The grouchy grill guy didn’t give me any free grilled goods when I prevented the door ding. But he didn’t yelled at me either, and he yelled at almost everyone. Not getting yelled at by the grouchy grill guy was reward enough for me.
June 19th, 2005 at 9:41 pm
Too bad the grouchy grill guy didn’t offer you a grill good or two as you deserved some very good grilled goods.
June 19th, 2005 at 9:44 pm
For being so good of course.
June 20th, 2005 at 7:25 am
Next time don’t wear a white shirt, bow-tie and red jacket.
After the rescue, did you open his car door?
June 20th, 2005 at 8:09 am
what will I do with all my red jackets?
June 20th, 2005 at 11:53 am
I have an idea for the red jackets.
What if BlogCo sponsors a professional golf tournament and we give the red jackets away as prizes? We’ll refer to these prize garments as “coveted red jackets,” and we’ll give the tourney a golf-friendly waspy-S&N-sounding name like “The Masters.”
June 20th, 2005 at 12:47 pm
Boss –
I vote yes. Genius plan. Think about this – we can make gobs of money if the BlogCo golf tournament is NAKED. According to the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR), tons of fancy rich people want to go luxury cruises with naked fancy rich people.
Hello. Fancy rich people like golf too.
We must act fast. Does anyone have a golf course we could use?
June 20th, 2005 at 12:52 pm
Also – To demonstrate my generous nature, I am willing to donate my coveted ugly jacket.
June 20th, 2005 at 1:07 pm
When rich people go on naked cruises together, do they wear jewelry?
June 20th, 2005 at 1:08 pm
Boss –
I hesitated to link the naked rich folks article to your tastefully perverted blog because there’s a photo of a woman going Tony and doing a Titanic on the bow of a cruise ship. She could be on the stern, left side, gangplank, right side or aft for all I know. Christ, I don’t know where she is, but she’s rich, lonely and she forgot her bathing suit.
Don’t peek if this type of thing hurts your eyes –
Click here for tony woman.
June 20th, 2005 at 1:19 pm
I don’t think your blog likes the naked lady because a gray column is now attacking us.
Get back gray. You don’t belong here.
Sorry if I messed-up something. Wince. Lame smile.
June 20th, 2005 at 1:26 pm
I don’t see a gray thing. I see a long link which runs of into the distance. I will fix that.
June 20th, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Check one, two. Is the gray thing gone?
June 20th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Yes. The gray menace has receded. All gone.
Could have been the long link or dust on my eyelash. Who knows.
June 20th, 2005 at 2:43 pm
I don’t have this problem, but I like to worry about other people’s problems, so here’s a problem that’s not mine –
If you walked up to a woman and asked her what kind of man she’s attracted to, good chance she’d say, a non-repulsive, smart, funny, well-hung (no, no take that one back), mind reader who will give her massages with no funny business once in a while. What she’d really like is the filthy stinking rich version, with all those same options. The richer the better. She was being polite.
Guys would probably say – I‘d like a friendly naked woman. Period.
So if you’re on a naked singles cruise, the guys can start refining their criteria as soon as the foghorn blows. But how can a friendly naked woman find a naked rich guy?
If I was a naked guy on a naked cruise, I would wear a very, very, very expensive waterproof watch – at all times.
June 20th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
Don’t listen to me; if I really knew how to find rich men and be friendly to them, I’d be on a fancy cruise ship right now.
June 20th, 2005 at 2:55 pm
When on a naked cruise with naked women, a naked man always has a peg to hang his hat on, but he doesn’t always have a hat to hang on his peg, because he’s on a naked cruise, and who wears a hat on a naked cruise?
June 20th, 2005 at 3:08 pm
If Judy Garland had gone on a nude cruise, and if hats had been allowed, she would have worn a pretty, lace-trimmed bonnet with large satin bows.
June 20th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
I would think hats would be okay – strictly for sun screening purposes.
I don’t know how AANR handles the peg situation. I don’t want to know. Please don’t tell me.
June 20th, 2005 at 3:53 pm
I need to meet more rich people so I’m seriously considering signing up for an AANR cruise. Need to know – how much can you wear and still be considered naked?
Hats – yes.
What about?
Socks, belts, earrings, high heels, a light sweater for those cool ocean breezes in the evening, gloves, raincoats – for rain dummy, scarves, black fishnet stockings (the kind that used to require a garter belt, but nowadays come with elastic), couple a sweatshirts, oils, Yorkshire Terriers, wrap-around-terrycloth towel thingies – to dry off after the pool plunge, sunglasses, parka, tiara, two large tote bags to carry gallon jugs of SPF 80 sun sauce, white lace bathing suit cover-up, boots and an apron with pockets –I’d like to have some pockets, okay.
Last question, what do we wear on formal night?
June 20th, 2005 at 4:13 pm
Forgot -
I also want to bring two large hand-held fans made from huge feathers. Fans look like ostrich wings with handles. Or tennis rackets with feathers.
Gets hot sitting by the pool. I need fans.
June 20th, 2005 at 4:17 pm
Would someone from AANR please get back to me as soon as possible? Is my Acceptable To Wear and Still be Naked list approved?
If list is good, I think I can be technically naked, yet covered enough to run into Uncle Fester and Aunt Lulu.
Thank you.
June 20th, 2005 at 4:19 pm
This raises an interesting question: If you get chilly on a nude cruise, do you have to wear a transparent sweater?
June 20th, 2005 at 4:48 pm
Mr. Squirrel,
The Stop and Shop has some delightful chicken dogs well suited for grilling. Albiet they are not dressed in white shirts, bow ties, or BlogCo red coats, but once grilled your dog might be dressed in a bun of course Mr. Squirrel with the necessary condiments. It wouldn’t be prudent to present a dog without condiments.
June 21st, 2005 at 9:33 am
What does a Flasher do at a nudie camp?
June 21st, 2005 at 11:44 am
flashing lights?
This is a difficult problem.
June 21st, 2005 at 6:47 pm
Mr. Squirrel,
Come out, come out where ever you are!
June 21st, 2005 at 9:58 pm
Looks like we’re working one person per shift tonight.
June 22nd, 2005 at 6:45 am
When you see the doctor at the Nudie Camp Infirmary, do you still have to tie a backless paper dress around your neck?
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:24 am
Whether it be the sweater or the parka or the paper gown, transparency is the key.
I wonder, would certain non- or semi-transparent items from the Victoria’s Secret catalog be considered too naughty for a nude cruise? And if so, would that be ironic? Where is Alanis when we need her, dammit? Maybe she ran away with the runaway bride . . . or Coco Crisp.
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:26 am
I can’t stop thinking What If Nudists Ruled the World? This isn’t normal.
- Do you get bib in the dentist chair?
- Designer towels. Huge. HUGE.
- Gigantic subway cars.
- Safety first. Racing bikes with backs to the seats. Car accidents.
- Conversational touching zones expand.
- Trite pick-up line, “How’d you get that scar?”
- Smooth and succinct Ballroom Speeches.
Must stop it.
Tea will re-focus me.
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:31 am
Boss is right. “…transparency is the key.”
Before the nude invasion, can I buy stock in Saran Wrap. Who makes that stuff?
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:34 am
Guys would never have to answer this question again -
“Does this make me look fat?”
I’m done, I’m done. Tea Kettle screaming.
June 22nd, 2005 at 10:11 am
Rosalind dear, I am impressed. You are always seeing the bright side of things. Well done dear. The question, “Does this make me look fat?” most always starts an argument of sorts if not inner cranial most certainly inter personal. Now if we could only come up with a way to make the tea kettle stop screaming once we’ve heard it.
June 22nd, 2005 at 12:49 pm
Marm -
I’m begging you, please don’t encourage me. Nude World is starting to settle in my brain like an obsession. Not good, like the time I was obsessed with a bad-boy boyfriend.
I’m sure militant nudists insist anything done in the clothed world, could be done just as fine on a naked planet.
Yeah, but I say, what about skydiving? Those belts and griper-straps going around and around and thru your crotch – that can’t be fun in the nude.
And what if you pull the wrong cord thingie?
God. Stop me.
June 22nd, 2005 at 12:50 pm
Play me that Chicken Dance Song again.
That might help.
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:35 pm
Does this fur coat make me look fat?
How about the tail? Does the tail make me look fat?
June 22nd, 2005 at 7:56 pm
You, Mr. Squirrel, with the bushy tail and your fur coat are perfection.
Am I being to forward Mr. Squirrel? I hope I’m not too forward. It wouldn’t be proper.