Evil Socks
Dear Abby,
I have a pair of evil socks. Whenever I wear them, something bad happens. The evil socks were a gift from a friend, so I feel obligated to wear them even though they will surely bring bad juju.
Please advise.
Mr. Squirrel,
Oak Tree, Connecticut
June 20th, 2005 at 8:44 pm
Mr. Squirrel,
Rid yourself of this bad karma and do it now. Take those bad luck socks and put them in a jar. Cover the jar with a cover. Wave your hand over the top of the jar and say the magic words. Hocus Pocus Dominocus. Tap the top of the jar 3 times. Put the jar with the socks into a brown paper bag and scrunch down the top of the bag. Then throw the bag with the jar with the bad luck socks in the rubbish and forget about them. Tomorrow go up to Northampton to the sock store where you like to buy your socks and buy some new socks but only good luck new socks. Bring your new good luck socks home and put them on the following day. You will only have good luck with the new good luck socks.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:15 pm
Is there no way to reverse the +/- polarity of evil socks? Surely they can be turned to good.
This Hocus Pocus Dominocus thing could come in handy. I didn’t even know about the Dominocus. I have tried the Hocus and the Pocus — without much luck, quite frankly — but I’ve never tried the Hocus, the Pocus, AND the Dominocus together. The Dominocus must make all the difference.
P.S.: few people know where I shop for socks.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:29 pm
Yes, it’s the Dominiocus that makes all the difference in the world. There is one alternative but I don’t know if you are up to it Mr. Squirrel. So I must ask, are you up to it Mr. Squirrel?
June 20th, 2005 at 9:37 pm
I dunnocus.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:38 pm
Well I must go to bed now Mr. Squirrel. I have my bed bonnet on and I’m feeling restless. I must go to bed now.
Before I go I will tell you the alternative to throwing the socks away once in a glass jar with the magic spell H.P.D. then put into a brown paper bag scrunched up at the end.
Alternative spell for unlucky socks. Put unlucky socks in the washing machine with plenty of detergent but no fabric softener. Next put in a pair of lucky socks close the top of the washing machine and do the Hocus, Pocus, Dominocus thing and let them run through all cycles until finished.
Dry in a dryer with the lucky socks. No need to repeat the hocus pocus thing here as it will only undo the undone voodoo.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:40 pm
Well dear you must decide. Read the unspell spell and give it some thought. For now, nighty night Mr. Squirrel.
June 20th, 2005 at 9:43 pm
Mr. Squirrel,
What are you doing in the Connecticut office today?
June 20th, 2005 at 9:47 pm
10-4, Marm. I will think it over but not over think it.
Say, is my memory playing tricks on me, or do the witches in Macbeth say “Hocus Pocus Dominocus, two socks and a plague of locusts”?
June 20th, 2005 at 9:49 pm
Night Marm. Time to nest and rest.
June 21st, 2005 at 8:16 am
Marm,
I’d like to try Plan B, but I don’t have a pair of lucky socks. Is there a work-around?
June 21st, 2005 at 11:46 am
Can four neutral socks be used instead of two lucky socks?
P.S.: the nest is in Connecticut, buy the little notch.
June 21st, 2005 at 12:59 pm
As long as your evil socks don’t dance you may be safe.
http://www.geekchik.com/blogs/archives/000268.html
June 21st, 2005 at 2:13 pm
Every evil sock has a twin. And there’s your proof. Whoa.
June 21st, 2005 at 2:14 pm
I wonder if I’ll need more than four neutral socks for Plan B. Where is Marm, anyway?
June 21st, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Yes Mr. Squirrel I did check the spell book and it did say you could use four neutral socks in the place of two lucky socks. The only difference is the Hocus Pocus Dominocus with hand moving clockwise, then the Hocus Pocus Dominocus moving counter clockwise finally do the Hocus Pocus Dominocus clockwise again over the washing machine
Oh and one more thing to make sure it sticks you must use one dryer sheet in the dryer. Just one, but dry all six socks together.
All should be well in the sock dept.
June 21st, 2005 at 3:36 pm
review:
1. Put both evil socks in washing machine with plenty of detergent but no fabric softener.
2. Add four neutral socks and close lid.
3. Do Hocus Pocus Dominocus three times — once with hand moving clockwise, once more with the hand moving counter-clockwise, and finally with the hand moving clockwise.
4. Let washer run through cycles.
5. Dry evil socks and neutral socks together. DO NOT REPEAT H.P.D. This will undo steps 1-4.
6. Use one dryer sheet.
June 21st, 2005 at 3:36 pm
follow-up question: how can I be sure of the neutrality of my socks?
June 21st, 2005 at 5:15 pm
I will address both queries here Mr. Squirrel.
The first one is yes. You have the anti spell down exactly.
The second one is easy simply ask them. If they are unlucky socks they will tell you that they are the lucky ones, then think back to the last time you’ve worn them. If they were unlucky you will know they are lying and they are the unlucky socks.
Neutral socks will simply not get involved in any negative activity at all. So don’t be at all surprised if they say nothing at all.
June 21st, 2005 at 5:26 pm
Ah yes Sire, the Charter Oak State. Good choice. Plenty of acorns for loveable squirrels such as yourself.
June 21st, 2005 at 6:45 pm
Mr. Squirrel?
June 21st, 2005 at 7:34 pm
Here too!
June 21st, 2005 at 7:59 pm
How’s the sock thingy coming along?
June 21st, 2005 at 7:59 pm
I’ve been looking all over for you Mr. Squirrel.
June 21st, 2005 at 9:44 pm
Lots of work today and then Moses the cat had to go in for a check up. He was none too pleased when that collie stuck his cold wet nose into the cat crate. No, he most certainly was not.
June 22nd, 2005 at 9:16 am
What did he say to the Collie? Was the Collie just being friendly?
June 22nd, 2005 at 2:15 pm
Collie was being friendly, but in a large and frightening way.
Marm, I don’t know much about physics, but is it possible for a pair of socks to be neutral? I mean, can two socks hold together as “a pair” if they don’t have opposite charges?
Where the heck is Dr. Scott Spotman?
June 22nd, 2005 at 6:31 pm
Yes they can stay together and be neutral because they were made to stay together. They’re not the same as magnets requiring opposite poles to attract. That’s why there are no right or left socks they may fit on either foot.
June 23rd, 2005 at 7:26 pm
“Dr. Scott Spotman”, I just got that joke Sire. Again Sir, you are brilliant.
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